


Sorry For Being Found

by CharMarStein



Series: Never Agian [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cutting, Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-22 20:06:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2520173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharMarStein/pseuds/CharMarStein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He really should have locked the door. He thought he had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sorry For Being Found

**Author's Note:**

> Comments Kudos and Critiques

It was to loud, to suffocating, Niall was getting so claustrophobic and no one would back away. He was wading through the crowed that had filled their living room and kitchen. It had been Louis' idea to through a party and when he had proposed the idea Niall had thought it was brilliant. The Irish man had to stay true to his heritage after all, any excuse to get drunk was a good one. However he hadn't realized that when Louis said small party he had really meant no room to breath, suffocating party and Niall was desperate for some space. he shoved and elbowed his way up the stairs and into the bathroom. Looking at his reflection he hardly recognized himself. He wondered what had happened to the people loving, spunky, blonde boy that had started this great adventure, because now all he was seeing was Niall, a lost boy with nowhere to turn. 

He pulled out the blade that had become his most beloved possession over the last year and sighed. His hips were littered with marks, new and old and he didn't have any space left. He made a quick decision and started to cut further down, just under his boxer line, it was unlikely anyone would look close enough to see anyway. He added a few more marks taking a couple deep breaths.

He could hear the pounding of the music from downstairs and it was giving him a headache. He pressed the blade into his skin again, 'just one more' it was the last thought before things started to go south. Just as the blade bit into his skin the door behind him started to open. It was to late to stop and standing there behind him was Zayn. The deed was already done though and Niall stood there frozen in place. His and Zayn's eyes held contact in the mirror but both boys were seeing emotions they had never seen before. Niall's eyes held fear, shame, and sadness while all Zayn's held were pure hurt. 

Then everything moved, it was like a switch had been flipped and words were tumbling out of Niall's mouth. "I'm so sorry, you weren't supposed to see that, I thought I locked the door, I thought for sure I had locked it. Please Zayn don't be mad, I'm so sorry. Zayn say something please." 

"I don't know what you want me to say." Zayn took a step backward toward the door. 

"Wait I'm sorry." Niall took a step to follow Zayn.

The emotion in Zayn's eyes turned into anger. "You said that already." He yelled. "Yet here you are bleeding in front of me. Why Niall? What is so bad about your life that you could possibly do this to yourself?"

"I... I just... You wouldn't understand." Niall turned back toward the sink to clean himself up. The room was so quiet that for a second Niall thought Zayn had left but when he finally turned around to leave Zayn was still there between him and the door. "Let's just forget about this and go back outside. It is not a big deal." 

"Yes it is! It is a big deal! And we are not leaving this room until you see that." Zayn crossed his arms over his chest and leaded against the door. Making it clear that if Niall wanted to leave he would have to push Zayn out of the way to do it. "I care about you Niall. This is not okay. Just tell me why?"

Niall crossed his arms matching Zayn's stance and leaning against the counter. "Because it makes me feel better, better about my size, my clumsiness, the person I love, the food I eat, the music I listen to, and the way I sound. It just makes me feel better. "

During Niall's short explanation Zayn grew more and more confused. "Why would you need to feel better about any of those things. Your perfect and have great taste and... wait the person you love? Who do you love?" 

"It doesn't matter they will never love me back. Can we please leave now?" Niall starts to figit uncomfortably. He was trying to avoid eye contact with Zayn so when he felt a hand under his chin he jumped in surprise. 

Zayn lifted Niall's head so their eyes met. "That person is stupid then. Anyone would be lucky to have you love them and they would be dumb not to love you back." 

"I.....I can't." Niall stepped back his eyes meeting the floor once more.

"That's okay. Just promise me you wont do it again. If you need me I'll always be here for you, please don't do it again." Zayn sighed also taking a step back trying to give Niall space. 

Niall looked Zayn in the eyes. "Never again" and with that the boys went back out to join the party. It was the first time Niall had ever lied to Zayn, but he couldn't tell Zayn that he was part of the reason Niall cut. He was the person Niall loved and Niall knew there was no way he could ever love him back.


End file.
